I'm not even hungry anymore. I look at food and immediately look away from it. Can't lie, it scares me. But I'm even more scared to eat now. I have a normal routine; that's all I needed. I wake up early every morning. I shower, make coffee, sit on the couch, watch my tv... then get ready and go to work. Usually at work I'd eat anything I could get my hands on, but now I don't want anything.

Last night at the bowling alley, before me and Codi's super-fight, he got me fries. I ate them. He was happy, so I didn't care. After that he started bowling and everything was fine. I touched his phone and he snatched it from me. A couple days ago he told me I could text Kasey and ask her if they ever talk shit about me, because she said I was desperate. SO I grabbed his phone back and was like I'm texting Kasey (smiling), and he FLIPPED on me. I was like geez look I'll show you. The text said "Do we talk shit about Melissa?" I was like is that okay? He said yes, so I sent it. She texted back and it said "No, all we talk about is bowling and work." I laughed and said You told her to say that. Because EVERYTIME I get him proof about something he doesn't believe me about he says that. And he yelled at me in front of everyone... People WERE looking at us. I was so embarrassed I started crying and went to the bathroom... For about 25 minutes. He blamed this shit on me. I had Larry come and get me, and he was pissed. But I didn't care... I was so hurt... He kept saying no one even heard us, which was bull.

Whatever. Right now my stomach feels full. It's growled once and that was when my fries were right in front of my face... I LOVE french fries and he knows that, not fair. I can't wait to get paid... I really don't want to go to work today, not at all. Wish I had more Adderall. I have to do stupid lunch duty. CRAP. Guess I gotta go and get ready for work so I'm not late again.

WHOA

Been a fuckin long time.

Don't have a clue how to say I've been doing. Short story, me and my ex have been going back and forth. We've been happier than ever, and then in a split second we're fighting. Whatever. We broke up this most recent time because he saw me kissing one of his friends. OOPS. Anyway. Devon is a little bitch and tried me too many times. Now he's a goner(: ANYWAY. Took some adderall from my friend, took one Monday and my only other one yesterday. They gave me this great energy that made me feel like I could run a marathon PLUS they made me not want to eat. So I had a cup of coffee in the mornin and a bite of a veggie dog at night on Monday. Yesterday nothing alllll day, and then half an organic, vegetarian pot pie. Parents MADE me, or else I couldn't leave. Then I went to the movies with my ex, which was an absolutely amazing night... until I got home then I decided to be a bitch. Anyway. At the movies I had half a cup of sweet tea and two or three handfulls of popcorn. Then I felt like I was going to PUKE, so no more food, otherwise I'll feel like total shit. Not doin that again. I'm drinking a cup of coffee with a Splenda and 30 calories worth of powdered creamer. Tonight I'm going to the bowling alley with my ex. Some bitch he hung with a bunch is going to be there and he said she was going to start shit. SO I wanna go and see what she has to say(: Gonna be a blast. I've got this strong additude lately and I really want to try it out. All I'll do is smile. I hope. Hahah, I doubt that will truly happen but we'll see, I've never been able to not say anything when I think it, lol. I can't believe how much I've changed in the last week alone. It's blowing me away. I'm all happy, and giddy, and like, I don't give a fuck. I love this feeling.

I keep getting distracted by Tumblr and Black Swan. Ahh, my two favorites.

Edit later...

I can be blessed one day, then the next absolutely not. I feel like shit, but I know everything will be okay.

I want someone to argue with me about whether God is real or not. I don't know why. I want a logical answer on why they think he's real.

I've lost a few pounds in the past couple weeks. Sweeet. I've gotten so good at "I'm not hungry"(:

But pounds... lol

I was so goofy last night, and you thought I was being weird, you were wondering why I was doing that. Lost my good mood when you said that. You're sick. And you're at the doctor as I type this. You weigh as much as me now. 106. I wanr to go tan. But I also want to go to the library. I need a job, and to stop thinking as much as I do. This is not normal.

So Obama was on The View. I think that's bullshit. He was talking about his "negro" background with Whoopi Goldberg. Okay, she's black. You're KENYAN! And white. Stupid as fuck. I'm cramping really bad.

Sunday Amanda is having a lot of people over to her house to swim. And on the 2nd we're all going to Big Kahunas. A water park in Destin. So I need to work on my thighs a bit. Lol. Nervous.

I'd like to be happy now, thank you(: